Q&A: How to deal with trailer trash family when…?

Question by Samantha: How to deal with trailer trash family when…?
It’s your own?
We grew up poor, parents had limited education but they worked hard to support the children.
I went to university, have several degrees and now a rookie lawyer. Met someone who is also a lawyer, he comes from a decent, well off family. Things are getting serious.
I’m worried about our future family meetings.
I’m not being mean but I’m brutally honest, my parents have no manners and lack basic etiquette and common courtesy, eg. Pick their teeth and burp in public, interrupt, cut in line, slam the doors on ppl, and never give up a seat for the elderly, they’re THAT type. They have no manners, period.
I’m so embarrassed by them and that’s the truth. I’m grateful for my education and the opportunity to move myself to a higher social level, but my parents are stuck. They have no interest in anything I do or learn or try new things (very uncivilized, will not go anywhere into the city).
They wanted a better life for me, now that I am living a better life, they’re accusing me of acting “above” them. WTF. Picking your teeth and screaming in public is not civilized behavior! However they don’t see it that way.
Any advice? What do I do?
@john
I am a lawyer, recent graduate as mentioned in my post. No matter how old I get I will always feel this way.

Best answer:

Answer by Shari
If you can, create some distance between you and them–not too far, just about 2 hrs away. Don’t take your fiance/boyfriend around them yet. Make the visits few and far between. If you’re going to spend overnight, you can stay at their place but bring certain things like fresh towel, etc if you think they wont have decent stuff.Try to talk to your mom or another family member who’ll listen, to see if things can change. Also, whichever family member is most decent, visit that one/them more frequently so your bf doesn’t think your whole family is like that.

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4 thoughts on “Q&A: How to deal with trailer trash family when…?”

  1. Ima shoot in the dark and say you are currently in college, have not taken the bar, and are.simply embarrassed by your family. I dont fault you I actually see what your saying and agree. Just don’t hide your roots, the rich snobby people have equally snide and corny parents. In fact ghe rich wind up spending their life tryin to make everything look so great on outside they miss the whole essence of life.

  2. Do you still have love for your family? If not, do them a big favor and stay out of their lives. Yes, they’re uncivilized, and uncouth, but you have to decide if you will embrace all of you, or if you want to pretend to be part of a different society now.

    As far as your boyfriend, if you cannot be honest with him about what your upbringing and family life was like, then he’s not the man for you. You and he may choose to live your lives according to the most exquisite social rule books. However, if he cannot accept that you have pulled yourself out of the poverty from which you came, then he apparently needs someone of social standing and you should let him go, too.

    If you warn him that this is the reality before he meets them, he really should just accept it. Obviously they are not going to change, so all you can control is when and where you see them, and how long you stay when you do. If there is ANYTHING about your upbringing you enjoyed — banjo jamming or cow pie throwing or what have you, I honestly think you should introduce him to it. You never know what he might find quaint and fun. You can go home afterward and listen to jazz fusion while eating Thai fusion, then fuse together and forget the trailer park.

  3. I am limited income, and lol, live in a “trailer”. I can quite assure you, that I have good manners am well spoken bright and intelligent. I just don’t make much money. Your parents choose to be that way. If you’ve spoken with them, and they don’t see the need to improve their manners, you have some hard decisions to make. I would probably not invite them over when there’ll be other people around who would find their behavior uncouth. See them privately, and have seperate holidays with them. Yikes, I’m proud if you and sorry they choose to be so negative about uour success instead of uplifted to improve.their lives. I wish you were my daughter. Best wishes in life.

  4. If it has got to the point when a meeting is unavoidable, sit him down and tell him how it is.
    ‘I love my family and they worked hard to put me through college but they can be quite a handful. They can be really rude, don’t have any problems belching in public, and noisy but they are good people. Just warning you so you know what to expect.’
    If this guy is really put off because your family are uncouth, he is unlikely to stick with you or be much use if ever you two are in a tough spot.
    As for yourself, I can appreciate this problem – I had it myself – but try and overcome these feelings. These are your parents, and what counts is not whether they laugh at fart jokes or pick their teeth, but what a good job they have done getting you started in life, and how much they love you.

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